Bipolar. We throw the word around pretty easily- OMG the weather is so bipolar today or I can’t tell if he likes me because he is always so bipolar, texting me nonstop then ghosting me. But for thousands of people, bipolar is a scary, oppressive, daunting word. Over the month of February, I am going to be sharing more about my experience living with bipolar 2 disorder. So if you have ever wanted to better understand this mental illness or are worried that you may be living with a mood disorder or are simply curious (go you!), keep checking back in on Mondays this month.

First, let’s get generic! There are a million ways bipolar disorder manifests itself in people. The way I describe how I experience bipolar is by comparing it to a spectrum- on one end is manic, the other end is depressed, and baseline (or “normal” which is my least favorite word ever) hangs out in the middle. I move back and forth across the spectrum over the course of weeks or months. If I do fall into a depressive mood, it usually happens very rapidly and lasts for weeks whereas a hypomanic mood gradually creeps up on me and rarely lasts more than a week- I’ll talk more about hypomania next week.

I strive to stay in the baseline- this is where I am at my best as a productive, functioning human being. In full transparency, I am well into the manic side of the spectrum this week. Fortunately, I met with my therapist today and was able to be open and honest about where I am at mentally so that we could create a game plan to keep me in a good place. She asked me what I am doing to stay “between the lines” aka keep myself from falling deeper into the hypomanic episode I am experiencing AND avoiding the crash into major depression that can sometimes follow a manic mood.

The phrase “between the lines” holds so much meaning. For many people who live with bipolar disorder, every single day requires one to “read between the lines” or analyze their feelings and natural behaviors to understand where they may be heading in terms of mood. Is today the start of a downslide? Is hypomania creeping in? These questions are always in the back of my head. How are you between the lines today?