Love in the Time of High-Functioning Anxiety.

Remember those moments (that we all have) where you think you are going to be forever alone or that no one would ever be crazy enough to want to marry you? Welcome to LITERALLY EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE… until recently.

Somehow, the most amazing, brilliant, hilarious, driven, romantic human being on earth fell in (or was tricked into- still up for debate) love with me and has asked me to be his wife. I’m engaged, y’all. His proposal was such a surprise, but not at all unexpected. In true crazy girlfriend fashion, I told him that I was going to marry him after we had dated for about 3 weeks. A little over a year later, I finally got to say “I told you so”.

With this joyous, exciting time comes a spike in anxiety… I am planning on moving to a new town, searching for the “next step” in my career, and wedding planning all at the same time. I wouldn’t change a thing about the last month but as I reflect back on it, I can’t help but laugh at the predictability of my actions as they have been dictated by my anxiety. On the day that we were engaged, I told my fiancé that I wanted to wait at least 2 weeks before starting wedding planning so that we could just enjoy being engaged. That lasted less than 2 days.

Within a month of getting engaged, we have our date, venue, colors, theme, vendors, and my wedding dress all lined up. Other than a few details, our wedding is about 70% planned and ready. This is the product of my high-functioning anxiety. When I start to get anxious, I feel the need to start attacking what is making me anxious in the most frenzied way possible. The idea of a wedding stresses me out, so what do I do? Do all of the planning as soon as possible.

Although this is AWESOME and I feel far less stressed, I can’t help but feel a small twinge of frustration. I wish I could take a step back and relax instead of taking this on this challenge like a rabid lion. Wouldn’t it be nice just to be engaged a little while? I guess we will find out now since I have so little left to plan. Take a back seat, anxiety. It’s time to chill and enjoy the simply being engaged to my best friend.