Manic Panic.

I am exceptionally lucky that I have never experienced a full-blown mania. I live with bipolar 2 which super scientifically means: Patients experience at least one depressive episode lasting at least two weeks and at least one hypomanic episode lasting at least four days. Or in layman’s terms- big depression, little mania. Literally, hypomania means little mania. Linguistics is cool, y’all.

In bipolar 2, hypomania rears its ugly little head less frequently than the depression monster. For me, it looks like sleeping very little, hyperactivity, obsessive thinking, random feelings of euphoria, and impulsiveness. My mind will race from one topic to another in a matter of seconds and I have a hard time staying focused on the task in front of me. Hypomania makes blogging exceptionally hard because my mind is moving faster than my fingers. For the last two weeks, I have been experiencing hypomania-as a result, my kitchen is the cleanest it has ever been and I drafted the rough outline for like 3 books. But I am coming back to baseline. I’ll share more about the swing that happens towards the end of an episode next week.

I think it is really important for people who are experiencing these feelings to seek help, which is exactly why I started sharing my story with others. I had no idea that the mood swings that I was experiencing weren’t normal. As a result, I did a lot of things that inflamed my disorder and put my mental health at risk. I hurt myself by self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. I ruined friendships and relationships with impulsive, irrational decisions. I spent a lot of money on really stupid things- like really, who needs a panda onesie for their cat? JK I still stand by that purchase.

So what do you do if you are experiencing what may be a mood disorder? First, seek professional help. I would not be here today without the help of my therapists over the years. Next (if it applies) work with a psychiatrist to find a medication that works for you. Third, find healthy ways to cope. I can’t tell you how to find your coping mechanisms- that is something to work with a professional on. However, I can tell you some of the ways I have learned to manage my own hypomanic episodes. I don’t allow myself to carry credit cards. I force myself to lay down in bed even if I can’t sleep- my mind might not be tired but my body needs to rest. I clean and organize my house (seriously, when was the last time you went through your junk drawer?!). I keep myself physically active to burn off excess energy. I pour myself into intellectually stimulating activities like crossword puzzles or Sodoku or video games. I have honest conversations with my loved ones about how I am feeling so that we can work together to pull me back towards my baseline.

Living with bipolar is not impossible. It definitely isn’t easy, but it is not impossible.